i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
