We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
