I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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