She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
wow bdsm is so cute
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
