Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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