This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
