I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
