I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Randomize
