I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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