your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
