So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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