He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
