Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There's always time for handjobs
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
