garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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