These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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