I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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