I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I wear drunk well.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
