Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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