If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
