Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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