I can tuck mytits in my pants
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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