YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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