i just had sex bonerless
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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