You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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