I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You took a bar mat shot.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
