i just wanna soil my oats bro
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
