hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
