Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
