i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize