Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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