I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
