Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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