we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
