I want to make a zoo with you.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
