saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
