I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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