Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
