between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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