I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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