waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
