so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
