So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
