I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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