You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
