did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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