I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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