Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My vagina is officially offended.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
