I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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