Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
