you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
