are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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