Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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