My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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