My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
