so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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