So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
