just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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