Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
