walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
