You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
