i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
