this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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