i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
