your parents love me but you hate me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
