better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
