my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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