I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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