So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
