Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize