Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
