You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
