May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
