At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize