i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
