Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
