Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
