Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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