I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
