Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Four minutes until I can fart!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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