period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
