girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize