dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
