What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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