and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
