Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
