Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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