I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Randomize
