what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
