Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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