theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
All I want is dick and wine.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
