My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
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