i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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