Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
