sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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