i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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