He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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