some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
