I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
