Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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