I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize