Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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