dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You were trust falling into bushes
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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