You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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