and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dicks are not precious.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize