I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
