But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
