arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
this is an emotional support booty call
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize