This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
