you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
