just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize