you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
