So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
