Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
