Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize