One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
tell me about the eggs
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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