24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
