I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
